We all know that secretly, deep down, what you really want to is write a bigger check out to your homeowners insurance company. Your agent will love you. His commission is based on a percentage of your premium. Maybe he’ll even send you a Christmas gift or something. Lord knows, you’re helping him buy his gifts for everybody else.

Of course, that’s all crazy talk. Most of us want to save money wherever we can, not spend extra. We probably like our homeowners insurance agent well enough, but we certainly don’t want to pay for his kids’ braces. We’ve got things of our own that we want to spend our hard earned money on. And let’s be real: insurance, although it’s a necessary expense, isn’t one of them.

That said, however, if you are just dying to stroke a bigger check to the insurance company, here’s how you can make sure that you pay out of your nose:

1. Don’t trim your trees. Ever. Make sure they have contact with your house, especially the roof. If you can’t manage that, at least make sure that there are limbs overhanging the house. Large limbs, preferably. If the home’s previous owner was more frugal, you might have to plant trees of your own. Don’t worry, if you plant them close enough to the house, they will make enough contact to cost you extra in no time at all.

1. Get a swimming pool, preferably a deep swimming pool. Now, don’t fence it in. If you do have a fence that can’t be taken down, make sure that there’s no lock on it and that the gate is open at all times, especially when the insurance agent comes to inspect the property.

1. Get a trampoline. Again, don’t put it in a fenced back yard. Put it right out front where all the neighbor kids can come over and jump to their hearts’ content anytime day or night.

1. Get a wood burning stove, but don’t get it inspected regularly. If you can get an old wood burning stove, and place it directly on the floor, even better. While you’re at it, store your fuel and/or lots of newspapers right next to it.

1. Whether you burn wood or not, stack large piles of wood right up next to the house. Brush is even better.

1. Decorate your porch and lawn with as many broken appliances and cars as you can. Kids love to climb in them, and insurance companies love to rate you for them.

Of course, on the other hand, if you want to save money on your premiums, you could make sure that you’re not doing any of those things. Just a suggestion.

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